You know the drill. Payday is around the corner, so obvs you wanna treat yo’self. So you book yourself a hair appointment in the hope that you’ll feel pampered AF and have people questioning if you, are in fact, Becky with the good hair.
Buuuuuuut yeah… no chance. Here’s the grim reality of getting yo’ hurr did.
1. The Gown
You rock up, and before you’ve even got a chance to sit down, you’re a grown adult being dressed like a toddler that’s just got out of the bath. Please, just give me the bloody gown and stop making it weird.
2. Show and tell
Time to whip out that picture you found on Insta which you’ve been obsessed with for weeks, and pray to the high heavens that they get what you’re after. So you explain yourself an extra 5 times… you know, just to be on the safe side. Not annoying at all.
‘Yep, so just some soft balayage please. You guys do that, right? Do you want to look at the picture again? Oh and just a trim please. Literally nothing off of the length. Did I mention the balayage?’
3. The wash
‘Would you like to come over to the backwash?’ Aka, would you like to come over and distort your neck and have your scalp burnt? SURE! I’m so down.
And obviously, this is the perfect time for small talk. ‘Are you doing anything nice this weekend? Plans for the rest of the day?’
4. Mirror mirror
WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THAT I LOOK LIKE THIS???
What other time are you expected to sit down and stare at your reflection with sopping, wet hair for an hour? Oh yeah, that’s right. NEVER. Because it’s hideous.
Nothing like a bit of fluorescent lighting to really bring out my blackheads and eye bags. Oh, and say hello to the white line around the side of your head where they’ve rinsed off your foundation.
5. The back
Right, she’s trotted off to go and get a mirror. Quick, time to practice how weirdly happy you are to be looking at the back of your head.
‘Aww I love it! It’s great, thank you so much’.
You little liar.
6. Get your coat
Time to face the big, bad world.
It’s okay, hun. You can do this. Just put on every accessory possibly. And whatever you do… do NOT cry until you have stepped foot out of that salon. Hold it together.
7. Kim K ugly crying
Okay… NOW you can cry.
If you haven’t spent 10 minutes sobbing into your steering wheel after a trip, then you my friend, are a liar.
Time to take a detour to Tesco for a Nice N’ Easy kit and pray that you don’t have to call in sick on Monday.
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