By Gabriella Werre
You know that part of the film where the popular, attractive female lead struts her stuff so hard it seems as if time has instantly slowed down and gravity has failed as people’s jaws drop to the floor? That’s how I feel when I walk through most doors, and you can too.
Confidence isn’t limited to a select few; no one can gift or grant you the ability to be confident-you are in control from day one.
1. Body Language, Body Language, Body Language!
If there was a contest for the most important characteristics of a confident person I would certainly advocate for body language to make the shortlist. Even if you’re secretly not all the way there confidence wise in your mind, no one can tell because your head is held high and your hands aren’t conjoined as your eyes follow the pavement. Making eye contact shows that you are strong enough to face anything or anyone. It says that you are equal. You can say more with your eyes than with your mouth and they pack more punch than a fist. Confident women do not demand respect with their voice, but with their body language, after all actions speak louder than words.
Walk down the street like you own the place and people will think you do.
2. Stop Apologizing
No, this doesn’t mean stop apologizing when you accidentally spill someone’s coffee or if you want to scoot pass someone on the tube, it means stop apologizing when your ‘friend’ says your laugh is too loud or your boss says you failed at a task. A confident person knows their laugh is loud (i.e. me my whole life) and laughs anyways. A confident person also takes on board their boss’ comments and works harder. Hard work and succeeding in the future is the best apology, and one your boss will respect more.
In addition, how many of us have ever sent an email to someone saying: “Sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to …”. There are two keywords here that don’t belong, sorry and just. Eliminate those two words from your email terminology. Sure, apologize in an email if you were late for a meeting with your potential employer, but you don’t need to apologize for simply emailing people. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was to stop saying just in emails! No, I don’t just want to speak with you, I want to speak with you. It exudes confidence, while ‘just’ implies that it’s not really that important…i.e. you’re not that important. Don’t sell yourself short.
3. Self Love Is Priority
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with waking up, looking in the mirror and thinking to yourself (or even saying out loud!) “Damn girl, you look f*cking great!” You are great, I may not know who you are, but I can tell there is something about you. You rock, you’re beautiful and you probably kick ass. And, if you don’t realise that, you need to get to work on some serious self-loving! Of course, we all have things we can improve on or habits we need to kick or characteristics we see as flaws, but that’s life…let it be known that life is not a utopia.
4. Be A Cheerleader
When our friends or siblings succeed, we clap and hoot and hollar. Our excitement for positive outcomes and successes isn’t limited or bound by who is succeeding. When my friends do well, I’m like a proud mother not a cynical step-sister. Jealousy is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die…you’re the only one who suffers.
5. Call Out BS
I cannot count how many times someone has called me intimidating because I’ve spoken up. These people have confused intimidation with confidence as most people who have insecurities do. If you have an opinion, it deserves as much attention as the counter argument. If you overhear a girl in the bathroom being a bully to someone it’s OK to say something. If you’re at the bar and a bartender is being an arse it’s not rude of you to interject and call him or her out. Speaking up and speaking out for what you believe in is not only more than okay but it also accredits your strength. Don’t let anyone take advantage of that. Call people out, hold people accountable and say what is on your mind. Have an idea in the boardroom? Say it and say it with grit, tenacity and boldness.
6. REMEMBER….we don’t always feel confident
Confident people still look in the mirror sometimes and think, “sh*t” because what every confident person certainly does is remember that they are first human.
Having moments of insecurity does not diminish, deplete or compromise your being a confident woman (or man!) overall.
Image credit: Unsplash