I didn’t choose the Insta life, the Insta life chose me, and quite frankly it’s an addiction I, like millions of others won’t and don’t wanna kick. So how do you you know if you’re part of this squad? Read and see…
1. You’ve been known to ‘do it for the ‘Gram’
Put on a dress for ‘the shot’ and then got back into your comfies? No-one will ever know
2. You started churning phrases like: ‘It didn’t perform’
On photos of you and your boyf
3. Meals are a photoshoot
Back off from that burger Beth, you know the rules
4. Getting confused when people verbally tell you they liked your latest pic
Yet didn’t like it on the app?
5. You know your peak performance time
And aren’t ashamed to post that 10/10 Full English live at 10pm if it gets more engagement
6. Insta-stalking over 4 weeks deep fills you with dread
DO NOT DOUBLE TAP
7. You’ve got hashtags coming out of your ears
#POTD #life #instadaily #instagood #howmanyhashtagsistoomanyhashtags
8. You’ve considered deleting a photo that flops
Even if it’s of your Uncle’s 60th last week
9. When the app goes down, you start going a little cray
DESCRIBE YOUR FOOD TO ME JACK
10. You know to stand in the middle of group shots
I’m not being cropped out of anyone’s grid
11. Gone are the days of #nofilter
These bad boys will go through half a dozen apps before going live
12. You feel like you know the people you follow on Instagram
Dan got a haircut last week, Sophie’s training for a 10K and that bardot dress Lily rocked last Saturday was all of the flame emojis
13. I went out last night to that new Italian – “Yeah I know I saw it on your Instagram story”
Becomes a regular occurrence
14. You feel like you’ve Insta scrolled for miles
It should be a sport
15. Whenever someone says they’re going on an epic holiday, you’ve considered unfollowing them
No-one needs your beach shots on a Monday Brenda when it’s throwing it down outside. That’s all I’m saying…
16. You’ve got Insta lost
It started with a quick browse but now you’re on your boyf’s cousin’s wife’s vacay photos from 2015. Miami looked like fun
17. You’ve got Insta poses down
Hot dog legs? Pah, could do that in my sleep
18. Your phone’s full of images
But only 1 out of 20 will make the cut
19. You’ve led an Insta-lie
That breakfast happened sure, about three weeks ago on a weekend in London. In reality you’re in bed
20. Getting compliments on your feed is like winning an Oscar
I’d like to thank Afterlight, a good eye for photography, natural light and a marble backdrop
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